Kindness

“. . . I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.” 

 - Blanche Dubois 

 From A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams 

 

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve depended on the kindness of friends and family. The character Blanche (so ably played by Vivien Leigh) was, at best, disassociated and, at worst, horribly victimized and uttered that final line on her way to (at the time) mental health care that was often mere barbarism – and probably a lobotomy.

This is 2016. I’ve had the unwelcome front row seat to the two-year decline of my mother. She passed away on October 15 after struggling against malignancies and other ailments. Anyone who knew my mother knows that she was an incredibly private woman – she barely wanted my brother and me to know her health situation. She, of course, did not want others – even close lifelong friends – to know her struggles.

I can happily report that her caregivers were professional, caring, unquestionably competent, and – again, if you knew my mother – remarkably patient. There was no barbarism, no incompetence, no diffidence at all. I really don’t expect any of these fine women and men to read these musings, but to you all, thank you.
 
But back to kindness. I was there when mom passed and the attending nurse, the priest who came to deliver last rights, the nurse from hospice (Mom had refused hospice even her last week alive. That she died five minutes after I signed the authorization papers for hospice just proved that she was going to win that argument as well!), and the funeral directors and parish representatives were kind, compassionate and very professional.

Then came the friends and family. Now, I’m a crier – I think I’ve made that point in prior posts – and tears were not exclusive to my loss – but triggered from the wonderfulness of people. Small things – that friends sent food to the funeral home during the visitation for me and my brother’s family; that so many people sent flowers and made gifts to our designated charity; five former Michigan Glee Club members (I’ve just stepped down as advisor) made a donation so a song would be dedicated to her at the next concert and the current president and director drove to Monroe to express their condolences; that people traveled long distances (and some completely unexpected) to attend the visitation and the funeral; that I received cards in the mail, on my desk, and on my windshield; that two current students sent flowers to my house – you all got tears of appreciation (there are a few flowing as I recount this); and, of course, all the people who were kind to mom during her final months. Over the next month, my brother and I hope personally to let everyone know how appreciative we are – I hope you can read my awful handwriting.

Kindness matters. I remember dad’s funeral 34 years ago and the kind things that people did. I’ll also always remember the goodness that bubbled up from so many people honoring my mother who will remain in my heart.

Thank you.

Mom's obituary:  Link



Vivien Leigh's image from https://www.britannica.com/topic/A-Streetcar-Named-Desire-film-1951 and reported as available in the public domain.

All other photos were taken by me.