He looked good. Walking with confidence and clearly had been busy – the dining room table was leaved out to its full length and set with a high-end set of linens and china. I asked what was going on, “Yesterday, I had the whole family here – Friday, I have my friends coming.” He went on, “Friday is when I turn 90.” I told him he didn’t look a day over 89; he laughed while he cussed me and told me to make a drink.
“I had too much to drink yesterday,” Howard admitted fully without shame, but with the wonderful flat tone that visits everyone the day following too much. His entire family came to celebrate – 29 adults and 9 great-grandchildren. He spoke of his love for his great-grandchildren – one in particular. When she was born, two and a half months premature, she fit in the palm of his hand. She’s seven now – having some troubles in school and having vision challenges. “She’s my sweetheart.”
After hearing about the menu and all the fun the party brought, Howard got very candid about life and death. “Life is a gift – if you don’t appreciate it every day, you don’t deserve it.”
Among the musings came a funny and poignant story about a friend of his who was under hospice care. “Andy” had a brain tumor that had labored him with nine surgeries (according to Howard, he had a brass plate on his skull that was removed when access was required). Howard recounted how he would take Andy downtown Ann Arbor weekly and they’d visit three bars each time – sharing one beer between them at each spot.
At what Howard knew was close to the end of Andy’s life, Andy invited Howard and his friend “Beth” to a wine tasting at his house. Howard met him years prior while Andy was lying across a supermarket aisle arranging wine bottles. “Get the hell out of my way,” Howard recalled saying.
“Walk around dammit,” replied his soon to be best friend Andy.
The wine tasting involved three bottles – all masked in paper bags. “Can you believe it? I liked the $1.98 wine the best,” reported Howard. A little note: Howard is a significant collector and aficionado of wine – the good stuff.
Howard choked up a bit – he added that the hospice nurse had predicted that Andy wouldn’t live through the night. Howard and Beth assured her that they would stay and take care of him.
It wasn’t long after the wine tasting that Andy announced that he needed to go to bed. Howard and Beth helped him into bed and were saying goodnight when Andy – embarrassed – admitted that he needed to use the restroom. With Howard supporting one arm and Beth supporting the other, they walked him to the loo and stood him before the stool.
“I can’t pull it out.”
Howard immediately said he’d hold Andy up and told Beth to help him. She did, he went, and back to bed they took him.
Andy then said his last words: “Beth, I’ve been waiting 20 years to have you fondle me and wouldn’t you know, I’m too sick to do anything about it.” He passed away during the night.
Howard and I laughed and laughed until his eyes filled with tears missing his friend.
Photo reported to be in the public domain and available here: Link
