Howard's Autumn

Regular readers may be wondering why I’ve not mentioned Howard in a while. Frankly, it’s because I’ve not had the chance to visit with him since May. Two to three times a month, I’ve gone to his house and found it dark; frequently enough to cause nervousness.

Tonight, I drove by his place and saw his son’s truck and a light shining from the kitchen. Pulling into the driveway, I saw Brent busy in the kitchen. I didn’t see Howard.

As I plodded up the brick walkway to the house, I saw Howard sitting up a bit behind the drapes. I exhaled.

“Peter, how are you?” came a robust voice. There was my friend, looking better than I remembered and genuinely happy to see me. Brent also offered his warmest greeting. “Go pour us bourbons,” Howard ordered.

We traded news with rapid-fire speed: he wanted to know how work was progressing, how the gang fared from the old watering hole, anything new at the farm. I waited until I could ask how he’s doing. “I’m great. I now have hospice coming – nurses, doctors, social workers – and my pastor comes monthly. I'm 88 and I told God I’m ready – but He’s still saying, ‘tough shit, I’m not ready for you.' ” Who can’t admire that bit of Divine revelation? 

I admit I wasn’t surprised by his revelation –but it was incongruent with how good he looked. “Oh, I have no balance, my left leg doesn’t work so well, and I’m near the end. I’m feeling pretty good because Brent comes by daily, my other son comes weekly, and we share breakfast and/or dinner daily.”

Brent was busy preparing dinner and said that his friend Melanie would soon be there. I said I didn’t want to interrupt. “It will be at least 45 minutes before we eat – sit and enjoy,” assured Brent.

Howard shared that two weeks prior, he struggled to drive home from his beloved daily trip to the bookstore. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, so I’ve parked the car. I’m done driving. I’m home-bound.”

A couple of things struck me: that he willingly ceded his independence in the interest of the public good and the strength and joy he got from his family.

I didn’t stay long but was buoyed by his, his son’s and his son’s friend’s insistence that I visit anytime. I’m a mess of happy and sad.



Image reported to be in the public domain and available here:
https://openclipart.org/detail/196299/autumn-trees-with-a-bird-by-martinaledermann-196299